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Tuesday, Aug. 30, 2016

Don't Vote for Arthur Carlson

Posted Monday, October 6, 2008, at 8:14 AM

There have been very few TV situation comedies I've watched. One of those I did enjoy was WKRP in Cincinnati, on the air 1978-82. It may be my appreciation of this show was tied to the fact both Loni Anderson and I were 30 years younger.

A few weeks ago an old WKRP episode was aired in which Mr. Carlson ran for City Councilman. The story line was that he decided it would be unethical to win on the basis of inside information that his main opponent was an alcoholic (yes, this was 30 years ago). So, in order to lose the election the gang at WKRP set to work finding reasons to not vote for Mr. Carlson.

This got me wondering what an honest-to-the-core candidate would say to people who should Not vote for them? Here's my list:

1. Don't' vote for me -- I have green skin. After all, we have never had anyone elected who had green skin. What if I did a really good job and you had to put my picture on a $3 bill ($l bills having become obsolete)? You won't be able to find me on the bill!

2. Don't vote for me -- I was once a little boy. Everybody knows men have run everything for too long. You should only vote for a woman because she is a woman, qualified or not.

3. Don't vote for me -- I'm too young. You can't trust anyone under 65. Any kid that young will probably just screw it up (assuming things really can get worse). It might even be a good idea to amend the Constitution to change the minimum age for Presidents from 35-65.

4. Don't vote for me -- I'm too old. Certainly anyone 65 or older is too old and might drop dead any minute. [The ideal candidate should be your age exactly on inaugural day, and never get any older or younger than you.]

5. Don't vote for me -- I have too much/not enough Experience. Of course experience or lack thereof has never proved either an attribute or detriment. Getting elected is sort of like going into combat -- twenty minutes under fire is equal to ten years training.

6. Don't vote for me -- I can preach a good sermon when I have to; but it shouldn't count that we may need someone who can inspire a state or nation once in a while to move forward.

7. Don't vote for me -- I have always voted Republican/Democrat. Obviously if you are a lifetime Democrat/ Republican that should be reason enough to vote, etc. etc.

8. Don't vote for me -- I have never been to Tijuana, or anyplace else outside the United States. Yes, I did go to California with my parents way back when, but I don't think Californians are foreigners (don't quote me on that last thing).

9. Don't vote for me -- I am a Single-Issue candidate. You may well like my position on same, but I really don't know enough about all the other problems facing the real world.

10. Don't vote for me -- If you think I am running for God. The position is taken, there was no election. If you are looking for a candidate who can solve every possible problem to your satisfaction, I'm not your guy -- and neither is anyone else.

Finally, an honest-to-the-core candidate might say: Do vote for who you honestly believe is in the best interest of our District, our State, our Country. This is the hardest possible decision to make, but making it will mark you an American.

David L. Lewis is an observer of and sometimes commentator on life who may be reached via e-mail at kayanddavid@joink.com.

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