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Brazil, Indiana ~ Tuesday, January 6, 2009
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A burning boring question
Posted Friday, May 30, 2008, at 10:58 AM<< Previous | Read comments | Respond | Email link | Next >>
Around 8 p.m., Sunday, a house burned. It is alleged that two juveniles, one 14 and the other 17, burned it down because they were bored.
Is the old saying that "idle hands are the Devil's workshop" at play here? Where were the parents? Why didn't they know where their children were and what they were doing? At the ages of these two youngsters, there is little doubt that they knew what they were doing was wrong. I have a grandson who has done some of the same stupid stunts, although not quite as destructive. He did his deed in the wee hours of the morning after sneaking out of his home. Are these cases of overwhelming boredom? Are they attempts to find out what one can get away with in our society? Are these isolated incidents or a reflection on the whole generation? Looking back at my youth, I can remember doing some stupid stuff like tipping outhouses and soaping windows around Halloween. We pushed the limits at times, as has every generation since civilization began. We have all rebelled against the older generation in some way. I see my teenage son rebelling against me and teenage relatives rebelling against their parents, mostly be refusing to do something that they know they are responsible to do. These small rebellions are handled within the family on a routine basis. Boredom is also handled within the family. I do not think there is a home anywhere that there is nothing that needs to be done. I look back and think of the "quality time" I spent with the adults in my life growing up. While some of it was spent during purely recreational activities such as swimming, most of it was while we were working together. Even hunting and fishing had a pay-off, if you were lucky. I look at the children today and have to wonder if we spend too little time working beside them and requiring them to work beside them. I see it in my son and know that I have failed him to some extend. I did try, but, basically, got overruled. Some may say that the town lacks recreation or activities for these "bored" youths. I, for one, do not see it that way. We, the adults, have failed to teach them to be productive instead of destructive. We have failed to teach them to recognize that there is work that they can do and they have no need to find something to destroy. The question is will they learn from our failure? Probably not, as it has happened since the dawn of time. It may well be that it will continue for the simple reason that it is something that a few individuals do in every generation. Comments Showing most recent comments first [Show in chronological order instead] |
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First of all, I am by NO means a perfect parent have no idea what it takes to be one. But that's never stopped me from talking before so..
We cannot compare the world these kids are growing up in to the world we grew up in. When we were young the world may not have been a kinder place, but we thought it was. Now we KNOW what happens to kids out there and, if we're good parents, we are NOT going to allow that to happen to our kids. So they are forced to find inside play... tv and video games, computers... internet. We've seen what wonderful alternatives those are!
Most families have to have both parents working just to make it. So we either have babysitters raising our children or latchkey kids that are strickly prohibited from putting their noses out the door while we are at work. I've heard that some of these parents compensate for their inability to "BE there" with presents, not making the children do chores, or not disciplining the children because they've had it tough, having both parents work. I never had enough money to spoil my kids in that way and too lazy to do all the work around the house by myself after working all those hours, but everyone's not me. :)
Some of us spend as much quality time with our kids as possible. We read to them, play with them, talk to them openly and honestly and make ourselves available day or night for any questions or problems our kids face. Problem is, the day comes when they go to school. This is the point when you come to the nasty realization that your influence is gone. You'd better pray that your children listened when you talked about sex, drugs, morality, respect for themselves and others... etc, because they've just been introduced to a whole new world of kids who've NOT been taught that. Good Luck! I've been incredibly lucky and have kids that, though are far from perfect, have escaped the wrong crowd and ignored peer pressure. I say lucky and I mean lucky. The best parent in the world is up against the worst parents in the world, and the worst parents have a definate advantage of not caring or convincing themselves there's nothing they can do about it, or turning to drugs/alcohol, or convincing themselves that it's everyone else's fault that their children are like they are... which I guess, in a sense, it is.
This is my pet topic and I could ramble on forever, but I will stop now. you're welcome.
Leo... post another blog. I want to see if we continue to agree. Look what happened when we did last time...
WE HAD A FLOOD. Rather Biblical isn't it?? LOL
I always find it a bit to conveniant to blame teh parent every single time a Kid steps out of line. Who you grow up to be is a product of many things. It is true that a Parent is an important part of that equasion but it is far from the only influence placed on kids. Where they grow up, What they hear, What they learn, All of that plays a part in who they become. a Parent can take steps to limit the bad influences on kids, especially young kids, but they cannot shield them from everything. Even adults have to goto sleep eventually. Kids, Especially teenagers, Know how to duck out if they really want to. They aren't mindless, directionless, morons that somehow wandered out the door while the parents where too busy watching TV.
Why teenagers will feel the need to cause trouble I have never understood. Growing up I can only think of one time I ever really did anythgin mischevous. I think I was 12 and my Cousins convinced me to go out egging cars with them. The older two drove us to the Krogers and we bought some Eggs then late at night we snuck out and egged cars. I never really saw the fun in it. It was different yes. a bit of an adrenelene rush when we were almost caught by a mad motorist. It always seemed to be way more trouble than it was worth. Not to mention a waste of food.
Personally I fall back on eligion. I was raised in the Church and learned most of my moral values from it. The problem with society today isthat any sort of limit you might place on anything is concidered to be narrow minded and spouted off only by bigots. Our own Culture seems to be trying to break down any limits a parent might try to place on a child. Frankly if people would take their children to Church every Sunday then that to could be added to the equation of things that influence our kids. It won't stop crime or vandalism. It's not Politically correct to even say this but It's the truth and every little bit helps.
I can understand the anger issue. My ex-wife had my son put into a mental institution over Christmas vacation by telling him that I was going to get her locked up right before taking him to her appointment with a psychologist. The doctor asked my son how he was and my son exploded. The doctor reccommended that he spend some time in the institution as he saw my son as a threat to MY safety and his mother signed him in. My 15 year old did not realize that I don't have the authority to lock anyone up and that the police do not do it unless there is a reason.
We all have anger issues at times. Some of us cannot control them without the use of medication. If you are the parent of a child with such a problem, doesn't that mean you have to protect them from doing wrong things in anger even more.
How much money the family has has little bearing on the problem. "Rich" kids with everything you can imagine are just as bored as those who barely have food. I think that the problem stems from the lack of demand we put on our children these days. I remember standing at a sink washing dishes not putting them in a machine and pushing a button. I remember hanging clothes on a line, bringing them in, ironing and folding them. I remember mowing 1/2 acre of grass with a push mower, raking leaves, and tending a garden. Have we made life so convienent that we have nothing to keep our children busy?
madmom61 and unoit - we agree on most things. We all want what is best for our children and our community. We disagree on what are actually small issues as to how to achieve some of the results we all wish for.
jackiesue53 - there are no perfect families, just as there are no perfect people. We each have our faults. Every parent makes mistakes and everyone has to deal with the circumstances of their life. I know that these two juveniles and the people who love them probabaly wish that events had not occured as they have and, given the chance, would do things differently. You would lay the blame on the judicial system for being lenient and not maintaining "house arrest". In that, you advocate that it is the state that is responsible for an individual's actions, not the individual or in this instance the individual's parents. As you stated, if you break the law, you are held responsible. Then, you state that if you break the law again, it is the judge's fault. That doesn't make sense.
What is happening, I too agree with you.
I guess I have failed my youngest child. I made it through with the older ones and am proud to say they are happy, healthy, productive members of society. but something has changed. I see it everywhere, I see it in my spouse, if something needs done and the teenager won't do it, my spouse will just do it. no making teen do chores, work around the house. what good does that do? I seem to be a stickler and get overrode many times. But I have to wonder if this isn't happening all over. I dont see the teens out there mowing the grass or washing windows.I was mowing grass as soon as I could. We had chores, and we did them. Someone on the other boards talked of a boot camp. I have thought about it and think she could have something there. maybe instead of burning down the house, there could be some sort of extension of the city program that mows the grass at places like that and then charges the homeowner a fee. The fee could then be used to keep a program where the teens can attend a 2-week cleanup camp. Just a thought.
I think if you loose that "richie" chip on your shoulder you will win others over to your side. I really do not see how money plays a part in this.
as one of the older brothers of one of the juveniles accused in the case of arson i believe if you do the crime you pay the time, but not comming from a richie rich life my brother grew up not so easy not including he has problems with anger control for which he is on a range of medication for. I know what my brother has done is wrong by far anyone could have been hurt in that fire it was dumb. If you want someone to blame then blame the judical system in brazil he was evaluated for all the trouble he has caused by an institution called DOC in which they told the judge they wanted him put in a residental place and instead the judge lets him off house arrest and gives him the opportunity to do the wrong thing so if you want someone to blame you can start there and as it goes for my parents you should walk a day in their lives not so easy to control someone that cant control themselves and as it goes for a 3.5 gpa please like i said we are not a perfect little richie family who has everything in life perfect dont judge these kids but yet before you lay your head down tonight say a little prayer for them and that they learn from this. oh and by the way for someone who is behind the scenes i have yet to hear either child say they were just bored
What is going on that you and I are agreeing so often lately!
Idle hands are the devil's work. The older I get the more I see it.I too have failed my kids in making them see that things always need fixed or cleaned around the house. The "I'm bored!" needs to be rethought. And if you do wrong, hurtful things, there is a punishemnt to your deeds!
Soaping windows is easliy fixed... done my share of that as well!!