What Made You Say "YES LORD! THAT'S THE ONE!"? Part 2

I am going to try and wrap this one up with this Blog but there is just so much information I have been given that I am not making any promises upfront *laughs*.

I want to continue with the responses I received and save my thoughts for he end.

Next, I want you to meet "Anonymous No. 2." This was a superb email I received that I even commented to my Husband that was so concise that this person just had to be a writer themselves.

"Anonymous No. 2" writes:

"Dear Karen:

OK, you asked for it... "what made us say, Yes Lord, That's the one?"

1) The last time we were church shopping, we considered all (Bible believing) churches within driving distance. We accepted the premise that there are good people, and (unfortunately) some not-so-good people in all churches. And... yes... we understood that some of these churches' beliefs might be different than those we grew up accepting.

2) We observed whether the pastor preaches from the Bible? It's highly important to us.

3) We considered how efficiently the "worship time" was/is used? (If the "service" normally lasts 60 or 70 or 90 minutes, or whatever;) what percentage of that time was devoted to announcements, to the song service, to prayer, to others (example: are testimonies welcome? how about "special" songs? Is there a "schedule" or "agenda" that is rigidly followed?) How much time does the pastor require and finally... is there a regular alter call at the end of most services? For us, we thoroughly enjoy "worship time" that includes singing of songs, a choir presentation and an occasional "special song presentation". In a perfect service, I want about 50 percent of it used in this manner, leaving about 50% of the service for the pastor.

4) Finally, we evaluate the "Fellowship" level. How friendly does the congregation seem? How respectful and loving is the membership toward each other? How supportive are the members, meaning do they offer to help out their neighbors when in times of trial or trouble? Are there opportunities to be involved in the church via Bible studies? Are there youth activities and are there mid-week functions that allow for fellowship beyond Sunday mornings?

In closing, I suspect that you're going to get a wide range of answers on this topic. I'm not going to try to convince you or your readers that our way of picking the right church for us is necessarily the right way for everyone, but it does work for us. Thanks for reading.

Was that just awesome or what?!! I think I should compile all of these emails and write a handbook called, "So You're looking for a Church..What's next?"

This next email was particularly astounding as it presents a totally different view about Church and what you might find comfortable. Being a writer, it is not my job to judge what I receive via content and generally I only censor or ignore what is hateful, ignorant or outright lacking in sensitivity. I want to present EVERYONE'S point of view here and if you don't agree with this next email, know that if you leave a mean or spiteful comment at the end, you will be censored. This is from "Anonymous No. 3" and it was the only e-mail of its kind I received.

"Anonymous No. 3" writes:

"The church we chose was the one closest to our home. We had met some members who were friendly and invited us to come. That church was home to our family for over 20 years. It's the one I got baptized in, had my kids dedicated in and my daughter got married in. Sounds idyllic, doesn't it? That's only part of the story, but I won't go there.

It was a small church, attendance about 100 on Sunday and had a strong family history if you were in the "right" family. Even though I did not always agree with church "business", I was a loyal and faithful member. I served on about every board, was church moderator and deacon. I taught adult Sunday school for over 20 years. Eventually I left this church due to a very great difference in what I thought was a Christ-like way to treat the minister and what the "family group" wanted to do to him.

As life does, my life changed and I was divorced after a marriage of almost 30 years. I became involved with a new partner and we looked for a new church. We chose our next church because we really loved the worship and music. We also liked the pastor very much and the preaching was good. Unfortunately, the church was very fundamentalist and we were asked to leave the church because our relationship did not fit what the church deemed to be "right". We were broken hearted. We wondered where the "unconditional love" of Christ was. We did not attend church for a long time after that.

I had a very close friend who was a minister and he had asked me to come to his church for a long time. I was reluctant to mix good friends and clergy, but did finally try his church and eventually became a member and a deacon. It was a very small church - 35 or so on Sunday. It was an "interdenominational" church with a strong Messianic Jew flavor. Very interesting and mentally stimulating. Good music and fellowship. We attended and felt comfortable. That is right up until the day I told my pastor - good friend that I wanted him to do a holy union ceremony for my partner and I. That was the day we were invited out of another church and I lost a friend of over 25 years.

Again it was a deeply hurtful experience. Again it was a long time between churches. The odd thing was that one thing had never changed. I had made a lifetime commitment to Jesus Christ and I longed to be in fellowship with other believers. God kept calling me back to meet with others. I loved being a part of church, but it sure was hard to find genuine people and the acceptance that everyone wants.

This time when I looked for a church, I interviewed them first. That may sound strange, but I wan't going to set myself up for another painful experience. It wasn't easy, but I did find a new church home. The reason I chose the church I attend now is because it is an inclusive church. It treats everyone as being worthy of love and respect. It doesn't judge and it is attended by people of all races and lifestyles. It is active in mission both at home and abroad. The members have been loving and helpful. The pastor happens to be a woman, but that's not why we picked this church. We wanted a place to be ourselves and to be loved and accepted. We are.

I'm sure that by now you may have figured out that my partner is also a woman. It isn't the life I thought I would have, but it is what has made me happy. Maybe we won't fit into your theology either, but I just wanted you to know that finding a church that is "real" is very important.

Well, Anonymous #3, even though our theologies may be different, that doesn't lessen the love I feel for you and the appreciation of your openness and honesty to tell your story. That took a lot of guts to give me the okay to print this and I hope you all can appreciate her intestinal fortitude and her willingness to reach out and help others.

My last response is from "Jen" and "Jen" writes:

"I chose the church I go to because that is where God has called me to be. He has provided family through the church who helped me through the loss of my husband of 32 years, and opened up doors of opportunity to minister to both the people of the church and reach out to the lost."

As you all can see, I received responses spanning the gamut. Honestly, I don't know if I would have written a follow-up if I hadn't received this great perspective on all sides. I know that your specific denomination may not have been represented in this Blog, but my purpose was more for people to see how passionate and important it is to choose your home Church wisely and with discernment.

I have been searching for a Church home but alas, have not found one as of yet. I have felt so pulled that I have been losing sleep over it. I started the old fashioned way; I got in the phone book and began calling Pastor's and speaking with them about their Church's theology, attendance and priorities. You would be shocked at the responses. Some Church's never bothered to call me back and other's were very cold when they did call back to my queries and one even asked me in the first 3 minutes of our conversation how much money my husband brought in gross a year!

My desire is to always honor my father and my mother and she is really pushing me towards one Church and my heart was pushing me towards another. There was a debate over the fact that the Pastor at the Church my heart leaned towards had been previously divorced and therefore, lost his privilege to Pastor according to some opinions. This whole matter has taken me down the path of studying here at home and spending great deals of time in prayer about it. I guess at this point, if you see a tall stranger in your Church one Sunday morning…it might just be me. Don't forget to take time out to say, "Hello, glad you're here." That is always nice and a luxury in some Churches. Please keep in mind though, as visitors, we are watching you and the Pastor too. We are looking to see that special something that sets that Church apart. A Church on fire for the Lord and a Church that praises with abandon, a Church that seeks to be soul winning and is always perpetually in Revival. Compassionate eyes and strong handshakes, an enthusiasm and thirst for the Gospel and a zeal for Christ. See, we new Christians long and pray to find these kind of Church families and when God puts us in your Church, in that pew, we want your Church to be "that one"!

To me, it's not about socializing on a political level there or how richly one attires themselves, it's the fact that they are there because it is, the BEST PLACE TO BE WEEK AFTER WEEK! Apathy is not appealing and to hear people half heartedly sing and praise and begrudgingly give time and tithe to their Church, it shows and for some reason, new Christians seem to have that discernment and pray that they never become so complacent that the fire they feel in their soul will dampen in time to a flame so low, no one can tell there is a flame there at all.

Thanks for all of your wonderful emails and I will let you all know when I find "That One!"

Stay Tuned….

Karen Meister can be contacted at:

ksframeofmind@yahoo.com