Heartbreak...Not just for lover's anymore

How blessed I was this week to have my almost complete family come into town! With the exception of my stepchildren's Mother and Stepfather, we had all the most special people pile into our modest sized home at various intervals throughout the week. Harried and cramped, noisy and glorious, I stopped several times to just listen, smell and take in all the clamor and then within my soul cry out, "THANK YOU GOD FOR THIS!!!!" Friends came by as well to meet and greet with our family. My Mother, my children and myself were even welcomed into the home of my dear friends Mother for coffee on Saturday.

I had blessed hellos and heart wrenching goodbyes as members came and went starting Friday afternoon with the exodus of my best friend/Mother In Law. As each member hugged me goodbye, I hugged back harder and held back my tears that were so big I feared my throat would close completely from the lump in it. Now it's Sunday and my home is so very, very quiet. I cannot stop the tears from flowing and I wonder if my heart can handle the pain. I cannot stop the screaming that rails inside my head repeating, "Come back!! PLEASE Come back!!!"

There is no greater joy to me than having my complete family and extended family with me. I know that may seem quite simple, but it's true. I sit here now wondering why I was being so stoic as they left one by one. My babies all waving goodbye as their tears flowed. My Mother and Father wave as they choke back tears as well.

My young son sits bewildered at the empty house and my cats lay with paws stretched to the heavens in thanks for the once again, normal house commotion of just one child and two trusted adults. Me? I sit here sobbing.

This pain is the pain of divorce and shared custody no one really addresses. A house is truly a home (to me at least) when all the children are here. For all the messes, confusion, noise and broken objects that occur from playing and careless missteps are all a blessing. I have guilt for feeling stressed. The joy and love in each child's eyes as they cuddle up to the next (yes, even my oldest teen snuggles with the younger boys!) and the squeals of laughter from the latest game invented by big Sis.

I know everything happens for a reason, but if you are out there and you think your marriage is over and you cannot take one more day, think really hard about what you are about to do. I made a huge mistake with my first marriage in choosing a mate, but those precious little boys that were a result of that marriage should not have to deal with that. The guilt remains a constant.

I want to thank Devin, Kailyn, Zachary, Tyson, Iain, My Two Moms (Kay and Barb), Dad, Nena, Ann, Alan, Mary, Dan, Steve, My Anonymous Crew (you know who you are!) Jenn, Jessie, Mary, Brian and my Husband, John for my week of heaven on earth.

I love you all so much!

When you are not here.... neither am I, completely.

Karen Meister can be contacted at: ksframeofmind@yahoo.com.

p.s. See? Still human! (LOL)