The Depression anticipated but not prepared for

They say with any great life change, there is a period of depression that assists with this as well. It 's the letting go of our vices that causes our minds to just implode. It's as though we to a certain degree, regress in order to isolate. To me, isolating is my way of figuring out how I got here and what is my best course to achieve a better outcome?

However, to those who are living with me day in and day out, do not always benefit from the Amazonian Warrior Queen attributes. They are faced with a surly, unkempt, muttering, isolating, mp3 blaring of a shell who not only seems to not want to be the in the room, but even in your space as well because I am feeling so unworthy. I cannot figure the forest for the trees right now.

I am blessed with overwhelming familial support via my nuclear and marital family, but all the same, I have secluded myself in my home and missed out on so many chances to meet and greet with new people and make new relationships as well.

As far as getting to the heart of the issue, let's start with what my actual weight was to begin with. I was too ashamed to start going to the doctor because of how big I was so I chose to just abandon all hope and get the gastric bypass surgery. Thank God Blue Cross-and Blue Shield are not proponents of such a radical surgery for someone who has no current life threatening conditions. No, I wasn't straight when I walked into Doc Oehler's Office that day. I started losing weight at a starting weight of: 339 lbs. My ideal weight for my height and build is 172.3 lbs. I was so ashamed that I literally starved myself to get under 320 to walk into the Doc's Office for fear that they would laugh and be disgusted at me and write me off as someone who wouldn't really ever undertake such a feat when apparently, I cannot show any modicum of self control anyway.

As they stood me on the industrial scale at St. Vincent's, the number shocked me. The number said: 282.6! So folks, I have dropped 57 pounds in about 2 and half months! I can now put my jeans that were more akin to a sausage casing on right now without having to unzip or unbutton them straight out of the dryer! I wore a shirt last night that last year, my arms were too big for and it fit a big bigger than it should! I actually have 170 pounds To lose and I can now say I have almost 60 of it behind me (figuratively and literally).

I know my last blog was a downer, but I knew if I just sat and cleared the depression cobwebs out of my head and did the numbers, I would be uplifted. I sincerely hope I will not gain back any weight from being sick. I doubt others will oooh and ahhh as I walk by but that day will come when others will really be able to tell the results of my hard work and dedication.

Doing this at 20 would have been a whole lot easier and my metabolism would have been more accommodating. 40 along with childbirth, brings new challenges to my body and to my metabolism as well. I will never be in a bikini and for that, I should be receiving hundreds of thank you cards! Lol. I would love to, however, hit the pool next year in just a one-piece suit and some shorts! Now as I sit here healing from my illness, I am doing stretching exercises and isometrics that will help build that muscle back up and help resolve the dreaded loose skin issue. I do not have the monetary wherewithal to procure plastic surgery to remove that skin, so there must be free weight programs and swimming introduced into my regimen.

Also, I am looking for a walking buddy. I need one who is chipper, lighthearted and completely committed to the cause. Although I do not wish to discriminate, it would be best for me to find someone who has the same challenges and large amount of weight to lose so that one of us doesn't drag the other down by not being able to match each other's strengths and weaknesses. I have even considered once the weight is gone getting my one and only tattoo that will read, "Never Again". Then again, maybe not. To God be the glory and to the tattoo artist, my respect for his talents.

So don't mind me if I am not effervescent every time you see me. Pay no mind to the moodiness that may lie around that day. Just be assured that the same construction you are seeing on the outside is double-timing on the inside in my head and heart.

Oh, and just to end this on a positive note, we took Iain out to the Clay County Humane Society to help clean cages, comb and brush kitties and just play and love them. In conclusion is a picture from this past Saturday that I hope you will find as adorable and heart warming as I did. (See above picture).

Karen Meister can be contacted @ ksframeofmind@yahoo.com. Feel free to add me on Facebook too!