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Tuesday, Sep. 30, 2014

Getting Old

Posted Thursday, June 10, 2010, at 7:37 PM

My parents are a lot smarter now that I am older. When I was a teenager, the world's problems were fairly simple and I could solve most, if not all of them, if someone would have just put me in charge. Even though I now have more college than is good for human health, I know a lot less now. I understand much better that quote from Socrates, "The only thing I know is that I know nothing."

Did you go to your grandparents 50th wedding anniversary? I did. When was the last time you personally knew someone who celebrated a golden anniversary? Speaking of grandparents, can you imagine them tolerating a child throwing a tempter tantrum in a store or at church? How many of today's parents are brave enough to spank a child in public?

A short time ago, when my grandson was amazed at how high Sherman can jump, I quipped, "Beagles have springs in their butt." With a quizzical look, he asked, "Grandpa, what's a spring?" How do you explain a spring to someone who has never seen one? Watches and clocks don't have springs anymore; neither do car hoods, trunks, or even beds. When was the last time you saw a pogo stick? Everything is electronic now.

A little while ago, I bought a candy bar at a gas station. (I am not much of a candy eater.) I knew it was unrealistic to expect a candy bar to still be 50 cents. It is hard to find a can of soda at that price; although there are a couple of places left. Sixty or 75 cents would have been expected. However, $1.50 for a normal sized candy bar caught me off guard. Do you remember buying a bottle of soda for 25 cents and getting a nickel back for returning the bottle when you were done? I remember when you could get a candy bar or a pack of gum for a dime.

It is incredibly humid here. I predict that in the future, by evolution or divine intervention, native Hoosiers will eventually have a small set of gills behind their ears. This humidity also prevents me from denying my aging condition. Just before my 30th birthday, I was sleeping on the ground the evening before the opening day of deer season. I woke up with a pain in my hip that I just couldn't walk off. Now, whenever the humidity starts to feel like it is getting over 190 percent (which is 30 or more days per year) that pain comes back.

Speaking of "old age pains," try falling down. Way back when, when I fell, I would practically bounce. Sure, I had skinned hands, elbows, and knees, but that was relatively insignificant. Reaching a bit too far on a very short stepladder had me tumbling kettle over tea cup. After the excitement was over, I hurt in places I didn't even know I had.

Recently, a son repaid a debt of a favor with a case of beer. He picked up Little Kings. I am quite nostalgic about Little Kings. When I was in college, a case of the little green seven ounce bottles could be had for $4 and thus was a popular choice. (Remembering $4 for a case of beer is a sign of age right there.) My son and I had a couple more than a couple. Nothing remotely resembling like days of old. Still, I woke up the next day miserable. Apparently, another effect of growing older is a greatly reduced threshold for a hangover and greatly increased misery.

I remember my father quoting Winston Churchill stating, "youth is wasted on the young." I never really understood what that meant. I understand that quote now.


Comments
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You are quite the humoresk writter Mr. Hear...I have to chuckel to myself when I read your blog because it hit really close to home and that sore spot in my back.

Yes getting older has it's good points and bad. The bad being the part about not being able to fall without breaking something, and the good...well I am still waiting to see what that may be. It is said that with old age comes wisdom, that is if you can remember what it was you were trying to remember as being wisdom.

Personally I think of getting older as a time in our life when we can use old age as an excuse to not remember a birthday, have a reason not to go somewhere you really don't want to be in the first place, fall asleep anytime anywhere, and not be able to lift or carry something any further than you desire.

I find it quite convenient from time to time to use this older age excuse to politely bough out of going to things like Theme Parks or places where there are lots of excitement and young kids. Maybe that is the old grouch in me coming out, but after years of putting up with life and its problems. Old age gives us an excuse to just stay home and grow older on the couch.

-- Posted by Keeping An Open Mind on Thu, Jun 17, 2010, at 11:26 AM

That is a wonderful blog Mr. Hear and oh so true!

Have a great day!

-- Posted by Proud of My Country on Thu, Jun 17, 2010, at 11:55 AM

Charles, Occasionally, when I get homesick, I get on line and read the Brazil Times and check out your blogs. For a short time I was in your employ and quickly came to realize you were well read and highly educated, but never realized what a colorful writer you are!

Reflecting on turning 30 and "getting old" - that's just the prerequisit for turning 50 and "being old". As I approach the halfway mark to becoming 60 my hip rejoices every morning that springs have been replaced in beds!! In the world our grandchildren are growing up in, rejoice in that your grandson is asking YOU for answers - at two it probably won't be long until he has his own Leap Frog Computer to answer any question he may ponder.

Technology and science have left us with at least one unaltered, unimproved spring operated device.

That would be the simple click style ink pen.

Turning 30 is only a milestone - a marker to indicate that you have passed from your youth to the prime of your life. When you fall you should still bounce, just maybe not quite as high.

I decided, somewhere in my forties, that as my children took full advantage of my clumsy single parenting, I would fully pay them back for speeding my aging process with worry, stress and guilt. I vowed to fake early Alshiemers Disease and periodically show up in their adult homes around midnight, invite every geriatric friend I could round up, blast the oldies from their stereos, eat all their food, wake the entire house with a fight or two, spill my gerital into their computer keypad, let their dog out, have the local police come to the door to return my bffs with alshiemers symtoms suspected to be breaking into their neighbors house having forgotten where they were suppose to be, make as many costly long distance practical joke calls as humanly possible, ruin their carpet with my spilled prune juice then crash out on their couch, having an accident on their corinthian leather only to deny in the morning that I had any recollection.

If you've not seen the movie "The Curious Case of

Benjaman Button", it's an enjoyable film that adds a different twist to the aging process.

The older I get, all those corny profound sayings become less and less cliche'.

Growing old definately sucks but it beats the alternative......

Thanks for sharing Charles, Silverlining

-- Posted by Silverlining on Mon, Jul 12, 2010, at 9:16 AM


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