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'Bachin' It

Posted Wednesday, September 15, 2010, at 8:02 AM

I'm 'bachin' it. My wife, who works for the Indiana Attorney General's Office, has accumulated a lot of vacation time. We agreed that she should take a vacation without me. She has gone to Myrtle Beach with two sons and one daughter-in-law while I continue to slave away.

Before she left, I was worried about a few things. What was going to happen when the trashcan filled up? There is only so much room in the closet where we hide the trash. How long would the clean dishes last and would I starve when they were gone? Who was going to make sure that there was plenty of toilet paper in the bathrooms??? These are serious issues!

To make sure that she continues to believe I miss her desperately, I call her at least twice per day. After one of these calls, one of the wayfaring sons called for a well-being check. Apparently, Yvette shared her concerns about my possible starvation with him.

"Hey pop! Howya doin'."

I enquired about the proximity of his mother. Luckily, she was occupied elsewhere. I explained that I was having my own vacation.

"Are you at home?" came the reply.

I explained that I had seamlessly transitioned back into my bachelor days and was loving it.

During this little vacation, I have been waking up gently and refreshed when the sun shines through the bedroom window. Normally, Yvette starts getting up at about 4:30 a.m. I stay in bed to stay out of the way as she performs the first house cleaning of the day and goes about her process of getting ready for work. During this, the shades are closed tight and left that way until another alarm motivates me to start my day.

"What about the trash?"

As it turns out, when you exclude fruits and vegetables from your diet, you create a lot less trash. Don't get me wrong, by day four, the can was full. But I still found crevices to wedge things in without having to change the bag. It may become a personal challenge to see if I can hold off changing it until her return.

"Have you gone hungry yet?"

I recently had the breakfast of champions; Poptarts and Diet Pepsi. I haven't had a Poptart since I was a kid and forgotten how tasty they can be. Peanut butter and jelly on a hamburger bun washed down with a beer (definitely NOT poured into a glass) makes a perfectly acceptable dinner. Last night, I relived the joy of eating a can of ravioli at room temperature directly from the can. I was in bachelor heaven.

"Have you run out of clean dishes yet?"

Surprisingly, I hadn't. Most beverages don't really need a glass. Even then, you can reuse a glass for days if you rinse it out and set it on the counter near the sink. The plates can likewise be used over if you chose to not eat standing over the sink or directly from a can.

The best part of this little bachelor vacation was: I left a greasy pan on the stove for two days and not a soul complained! The bed hasn't been made once. I even got to leave underwear that missed the laundry basket on the floor for more than a day.

Incidentally, she's going to be coming home soon. Is there anyone out there who can help me clean house before she gets home? Hopefully, we won't have to empty the kitchen trashcan!

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HONEY I'M HOME !!!!! Literally, due to tech problems I've been off line abit. SSSsssoooo, I've returned to read your joyful blog..... In reading it I wondered if your wife has taken along her laptop and also read your blog? If so I imagine she would smile with glee to read that your years together have insured that your true bach habits are a thing of the past ie at least your hygiene habits require clean underwear thus the dirty ones thrown to the floor and the reused glass set dutifully at the side of the sink......

I suggest that when she is on her return trip home you call in on all favors owed, and debts owed to come to your cleaning frenzy needs....otherwise Merry Maids do a super job for what they charge....... good luck with that :}


-- Posted by Silverlining on Wed, Sep 15, 2010, at 10:30 PM

The funky drawers part Charles. Now sir, Ick! I do not want to have too go through an ordinary day shocked by a dirty Charles Hear drawer attack of the mind! Lol. Thanks for really putting it out there. Hmmmm..at least you ARE honest.

-- Posted by karenmeister on Wed, Sep 15, 2010, at 11:13 PM

I can't leave underwear laying about on the floor, the dogs would take it outside and bury it.

When you get tired of eating out of the cans, you can go to the military surplus shop and get some MRE's. Very little trash and a variety, too. Just don't tell me you had the chicken ala king, I had to eat that, and only that, for sixty days straight three times a day once.

-- Posted by Leo L. Southworth on Thu, Sep 16, 2010, at 4:50 PM

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