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Wednesday, Aug. 24, 2016

D@m# Neighbors

Posted Thursday, April 7, 2011, at 7:54 AM



The crocus is croaking and the daffodils are daffing. Spring is in the air (kinda) and I hate my neighbors.

Don't get me wrong. They are great people. The misses has literally loaned me a cup of sugar on Christmas and the mister has allowed me to borrow his tools. They are quiet, friendly, respectful, everything you could want from a neighbor.

I hate them.

This year, like every other year, his flowers bloomed before mine.

He has told me that my flowers were only a couple of days behind his. He even insisted that it wasn't his fault. I don't care.

The topography of our yards is nearly mirror images of each other. I have woods to the South and East. They have woods to the North and East. The spring sun is very much in the South. My ground slopes from Southwest to the Northeast. Their ground slopes from the Northwest to the Southeast. The sun's rays glance off my property. Their property catches the sun's rays full on.

But it doesn't stop there. They put a lot of time, effort, and money into making their home and yard look good. By comparison, they make me look bad.

It's not just the spring.

In the autumn, leaves fall and drift from place to place. When I lived on a city lot, I raked leaves in the fall. Now I have approximately three acres surrounded by woods. Suddenly, I discovered the moral superiority of "going natural." Not the neighbors. They chase leaves with a vengeance. They even take care of the leaves in my yard near their property. The nerve of some people!

In addition to flower gardens, they have started a vegetable garden. In the summer they regularly offer to share the bounty of their garden. They even offer to share the produce of their, grape vines, raspberry and blueberry bushes and their fruit trees. The deer seem to be the only ones to benefit from my vegetable gardens so I quit trying. It's disgusting that they seem to be able to fend off the deer.

Adding insult to injury, he is a better hunter than I am. It seems that, during hunting season, every single week, he or his son have a deer hanging in the tree behind their garage. It could be that they are trying to be discreet to the people traveling the highway. On the other hand, that tree is in full view of my bedroom window and I'd bet they are rubbing my nose in it. I think that being such a helpful and friendly neighbor is just a cover. He is always offering me some of the meat, (Thanks, the burger was great!) but it is not the same as having a deer hanging in my tree facing his house.

When I lived in Indy, the neighbors generally ignored me. If a passing motorist honked his horn at you, the waiving hand usually had less than all five fingers extended. What's not to like? Who would want neighbors like the ones I have now?

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