Welcome fellow sinners. It's Monday, May 23, 2011, and you and I are still here. I kind of figured that I would be. I won't speculate about you.
For those of you who didn't know, this weekend was supposed to be the Rapture. If you are reading this, you may want to examine the condition of your soul. Incidentally, if any of your co-workers failed to come to work without calling in, they may just have a really good reason.
The fact that I am still here doesn't mean that I don't love our Lord, Jesus Christ. You have to consider, however, that I am a criminal defense attorney, an attempted politician, and such. I had to expect that there would be tribulation in my future. Apparently, there is tribulation in your future also as you are still here reading this.
Fortunately, we sinners are in a potential win/win situation. First, there are still several months for us to get right with God. It's that whole 11th hour thing. Remember, the last workers to arrive at the Lord's vineyard got the same reward as the people who have been at it from early on. Emperor Constantine waited until he was on his deathbed to convert so he could do what was necessary to run the Eastern half of the Roman Emperor and still get to heaven. On the other hand, if Hell is in your and my future, where do you think that all of the best rock musicians, actors, and pretty models, are going to go? Hell could be "THE" party destination.
Now you say, "How do you know that we are in the end of days? I don't believe this prognosticating preacher."
Well, just look around. Have you listened to Glenn Beck on either radio or TV? There's a man who can make the coming of the end times seem plausible.
Another sign may be the delay of the release of the movie "Hangover 2." For those multitudes that did not get enough with the movie "The Hangover," they made a sequel. However, in the sequel, one of the protagonists has a face tattoo identical to Heavy Weight Boxing Champ, Mike Tyson. The tattoo artist has sued for copyright infringement for duplicating his artwork. If that is not the mark of the beast, I don't know what is.
I suspect that another sign of the coming tribulations is the light bulb. The traditional incandescent light bulb is about to become illegal. The same light bulb that we have all used for all of our lives, the one that costs about 25-50 cents each, have been legislated into extinction. People are already stocking up on them.
Your new choices are the curlicue compact fluorescent light bulb or LED's. The old-time name for fluorescent bulbs is mercury vapor light bulb. Every time you break one, you spread mercury in your home. Look at the official safety instructions. It is a 17-step cleanup process that included cutting out the effected part of your carpet and disposing it in a proper HazMat disposal. Additionally, there are now studies showing that it is hazardous to your health to have these bulbs near your head, like when you are reading. These bulbs cost $3-$5 each. Theoretically, these bulbs last longer than incandescent bulbs, but not in my experience. LED light bulbs are safe and last almost forever. However, they cost $50 each. Darkness is coming upon us.
For the first time in all of Christian history, the Pope just placed a telephone call to the Space Shuttle. I don't know what that means, but it must mean something. How about the fact that Indiana Gov. Mitch Daniels decided to not run for President. For all I know, he may now be in Heaven with the Elect. That would definitely make him unavailable to seek the Republican nomination.
Lastly, it wouldn't be the end times without involving Israel. The President has told Israel that they will have to give back the land that they conquered between 1948 and 1967. Land they conquered after driving back the enemies who attacked them. They already gave back the Sinai, Southern Lebanon, and part of Syria. They only retained enough to provide them a border that they could defend and would hopefully deter attack. With any luck, after giving back all of the captured land, an Arab attack will destroy the Dome of the Rock Mosque, which would allow the Israelis to build the prophesied third and final temple.
Is that the sound of stampeding horse hooves approaching? Time to stop writing. I have to get busy stocking up on gold, guns, ammo, food, and prayer books.