Men and women are different

Men are different than women. Everybody knows that. One thing that causes the variances is hormones. The average male is exploding with testosterone. That makes him aggressive and competitive. It makes him pound the chest before slaying the dragon to protect the family kind of guy. The typical woman is full of estrogen. This makes her a nurturing, gentle, I want to provide my family with culture in a civilized world kind of gal.

There are more subtle differences between the genders, however. The other day, while shopping at TJ Maxx, I had to use the restroom. When I entered I noticed there was a woman in the next stall. I saw her feet. This woman did not make a single sound the entire time I was in there.

After pondering this for a while, I decided there were two possible reasons for her sustained silence. Either she was using drugs and was afraid someone would notice if she dropped her syringe. Or, and this is what I think really happened, she had some gas and was too embarrassed to let it go. So she was holding it in until she was alone. She would rather chance rupturing her guts than to toot in front of a stranger. A man would have blown out the wall and been proud of it. He'd be strutting around looking for high fives.

Another difference between men and women is how they address the task of cleaning. When it gets to be too much to handle with all her other responsibilities, a woman may decide to hire a cleaning lady. But the day before the cleaning lady is to come the woman will sweep, vacuum, dust, change linens and do laundry. When asked why she is doing that she'll reply, "I don't want the cleaning lady to think I'm dirty."

A single man will say, "I don't need a cleaning lady. My house isn't dirty." And he'll believe that while he's standing knee deep in clutter, not a clean dish in the kitchen and rats rapidly exiting screaming, "I can't live like this." A married man will say, "I don't need a cleaning lady, I have a wife."

What do you think are some differences between the sexes? Let me know. Keep smiling.

Linda Messmer is a Brazil resident and past reporter for The Brazil Times. Look for future columns in upcoming Monday editions of the paper.