Building a Bridge to a Happy New Year

Christmas is over. It was a happy, magical, joyful time for many people. For those who are grieving the loss of a loved one, however, Christmas can be a sad, difficult time to get through. And almost everyone has lost someone close to their heart. I was discussing this with a friend a couple weeks ago. Her family was still grieving even though it had been several years since their loved one passed away. She said sometimes things happen that can rip the scab off of an old wound especially at Christmas time.

I thought about that for a while. While it’s very true, it occurred to me that some people never have a scab. It remains a raw, open, painful wound. Time, alone, doesn’t always heal. It made me remember something my Mother told me years ago.

One of Mother’s sisters, Jean, died when she was 26 years old. Her husband, Zeke, remained a member of our family because he was my dad’s brother. Two sisters married two brothers. Eventually Zeke remarried and he and his second wife lived just across the alley from Mother and Daddy. In all the years that they lived next to each other I never once heard Mother and Zeke talk about Jean or even mention her name to each other. I asked her why.

She said she couldn’t speak for Zeke but this was her reason. When you lose someone you love it makes a huge hole in your life. The hole is too large to walk around and too deep to walk through. You can’t fill it, even with other loved ones. If you want to move forward and get on with your life all you can do is build a bridge over that hole.

But the bridge has to be built on a solid rock foundation. Mother said for her, talking about Jean with Zeke would crumble her foundation and her bridge would collapse.

I guess there are many ways people can find rocks for their foundation. For some, like my Mother, silence is a rock. For others, talking is a rock. And each time they talk about it, it adds another rock to their foundation. Some people volunteer or find ways to help other folks in need. They do it to honor their departed family member or friend and that helps them build their bridge. Still others find rocks by making new friends and sharing their life with them.

There’s many ways to collect rocks. Everyone has to find their own way. What works for one may not work for another. Time may be a rock, but not for everyone. I hope anyone who needs it can build their bridge across that life-changing abyss. I hope they can move on in this New Year and find love, joy and happiness in 2017. Happy New Year.

Keep smiling.

Linda Messmer can be reached at 812-448-8725.