If you don't want to know more about my journey, stop now! I became a mother for the first time 11 years ago. 12 years ago this month I first learned I would be entering motherhood. I was expecting my very first child! We all know the joy and excitement that brings to a family and mother. I had graduated from college married and teaching for five years. I had completed my master degree and we bought our first home. I had no idea what the next 11 years to follow would bring. The ups and downs, the good times and bad, the memories, the laughs, all changed five months ago! I survived a divorce and living alone with my two children for nearly 7 years. I survived gaining second master's degree and my principal license all while raising my children. Five months ago I was a newly remarried teacher and we shared five beautiful children. Then, the bottom fell out on a January Wednesday afternoon and my life forever changed!
I have spent many nights in my son's room emailing him, writing him, blogging, crying, sorting pictures, laying his bedding begging to know he is with our Lord safe and sound. Yes, I get out of bed every day. Yes, I am a mother still. Yes, I am a wife still. Yes, I am a teacher still. But, I'm missing part of me. I'm missing part of my heart. The world is missing a dynamic element Kreyton Hunter Quinn. He was called home Thursday, January 15, 2015 to Heaven. Since this day I vowed to protect his memories, his spirit, and his legacy on Earth and in our community! I wanted to help children participate in activities Kreyton enjoyed to keep going. We began a memorial foundation.
I also vowed that I didn't want his younger sister to be destroyed. I didn't want her issues that she would have in the cards she was dealt to destroy whom she was. I searched for support. I contacted resources. I utilized every resource I knew possible to aide and support my family and Kreyton's younger sister. The two of them went back and forth between their father's home and my home together for 7 years. I knew the dynamics of both homes had changed drastically with the loss of Kreyton and the children's needs couldn't be sacrificed.
I also knew that the loss of Kreyton in the automobile accident in which my mother (his grandmother) was the sole survivor and driver of the vehicle would change dynamics within our relationship and I took on responsibility to try to aide and support my mother in her survivor's grief. What I learned was how important it is to talk about Kreyton, share stories, share memories, and pictures. I needed tools in my toolbox to move each day. I knew I needed permission to grieve but, how could this be with all the responsibility and aspects I had responsibilities in my life. I drew to the Lord for understanding. I didn't get the understanding. I leaned on the Lord for peace and comfort. I read and continue to read anything associated with grief and child loss to help aide in my family's healing.
Kreyton Hunter Quinn is my son. He isn't present with me on Earth yet, he is with me in my mind, my heart, and spirit daily. I talk to him and lean on him for guidance. I am five months into my lifelong journey without Kreyton. I go from angry, to sad, to guilty, to a vast variety of emotions. A bereaved parent doesn't "get over it". There isn't a day, an hour, a minute where we aren't thinking of our child and relating in to every situation and scenario in our life on a daily basis. We become protective of those around us. We need loved and nurtured and inspired to help us get through each day of our journey. Please remember any bereaved parent whom too needs encouragement and needs you to let them know you miss their child and think of them as much as you can!