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A tragic story with an important message - HOPE
NOTE: This important yet graphic story was completed in early March, but the COVID-19 outbreak occurred, delaying its publication until now. Be advised the subject matter of this story - including suicide, drug abuse, and depression - might be too dark for some readers.
People are often unsure of how to talk about depression and suicide. A Brazil man is ready to tackle those subjects head-on in hopes of saving someone.
“When people talk about being in the dark corner of depression and suicide, I’ve been there,” said Cody Market, who has the scars to prove it. “On October 1st, 2019, it was around 3 a.m., I sat down under a tree in the front yard and called 911. I told them I have a gun and I’m going to do something stupid.”
It wasn’t the first time Cody needed help. Battling depression since a teenager, Cody tried to do the right thing, went to doctors, and took the required medications.
“I became addicted to the drugs. I stopped when my daughter was born in 2016,” Cody said, explaining he kept trying to feel better. “I tried to self medicate after that, marijuana, alcohol, and other stuff. That didn’t work; things just got worse and worse.”
Suffering from severe shifts in his mood and energy, the manic highs and the hopeless lows of bi-polar disorder made it difficult for Cody to function. Addiction to alcohol, drugs, extreme depression, the realization of guilt, and feelings of worthlessness about being a failure backed Cody into an emotional corner.
“I pushed myself so far into the dark, I felt like a complete failure, and there was no way out,” he said. “There were so many thoughts in my head. But my daughter, and I am ashamed to say this because she is my world, wasn’t one of them.”
A psychologist explained to Cody bipolar people act on impulse, and do stuff they don’t think through.
“They get caught up in the moment and do things,” Cody said. “I wasn’t rational at that point.”
Law enforcement arrived at Cody’s house rather quickly, and the STAR Ambulance crew posted nearby while officers attempted to secure the scene for everyone’s safety. Although Cody realized deputies William Neville and Hunter Gambill were there, his mind wasn’t grasping it.
“There’s a part inside your mind that thinks this can’t be true. It’s watching what’s happening. It doesn’t want this to happen, but you are not listening to that side,” Cody said about what felt like a war raging in his mind. “I had a lot of demons in there yelling - stuff from the past that I can’t get over, can’t change. I wish I could, but I can’t.”
Released from a treatment facility earlier that day, Cody’s admission to feeling suicidal fell on deaf ears. It made him feel like he wasn’t worth helping.
As the two officers tried to offer help and talk to him, Cody kept pointing the gun to his head or his heart as a strange thought came to mind.
“If I shoot myself in the head, my mom won’t be able to have an open casket at my funeral,” he said, explaining the voices became concerned officers might taze or shoot the gun out of his hand. “They say time slows down when a traumatic event happens, I believe it. Because it felt like that went on and on. I remember Neville said, ‘Come on, Cody, put the gun down.’ I saw Hunter nodding his head. We’ve been good friends since we were kids.”
Feeling his beating heart at that moment, Cody pulled the trigger before asking Hunter, “What did I do?”
“Hunter said, ‘Lie down, Cody.’ And I just fell to my knees,” said Cody, who immediately regretted pulling the trigger. “I kept thinking; I’m drowning in my own blood.”
An awareness that he was falling came over Cody, who doesn’t remember any pain, only the sensation of his body felt like it was on fire. He also had to do something: Cody admits to becoming fixated on going to the bathroom.
“That was completely unexpected,” he said.
Neville and two Brazil Police Department officers immediately started first aid, notifying STAR Ambulance to come on the scene. At the same time, Hunter made sure the gun wasn’t loaded and safely secured.
“We reassured Cody that everything was going to be okay, and we would help him any way that we possibly could,” said Gambill about the 10-15 minute conversation that night. “I was never the person to really believe when people say, ‘Your training just takes over, and you do your job.’”
EMT Sara Beckley and Casey Schmitz, a paramedic, were on duty in the ambulance that night. When notified, “shots fired,” they immediately responded.
“We didn’t know what happened at that point, or who was hurt,” said Beckley. “It didn’t matter who was hurt, or why, we both went to work providing first aid.”
With everyone working together it only took a matter of minutes to stabilize Cody enough for transport.
With 12 years of experience as a paramedic in both urban and rural settings where gunshot calls are not unusual, Schmitz said there’s a point when first responders expect the situations that arise.
“You sort of wake up when you hear ‘shots fired’ with an adrenaline rush, and start running through everything you have to do,” Schmitz said. “It’s more of what needs to happen next for the best possible outcome for the patient. However, what happened that night - that perfect storm if you want to call it that - is an opportunity that will probably never happen in my career again.”
Gambill helped put Cody on the Gurnee and took him to the ambulance. To allow the EMTs to continue working on Cody, the deputy drove to St. Vincent Clay Hospital.
“I then assisted in helping transport Cody from the ambulance into the helicopter,” said Gambill, who admits this wasn’t just another citizen. “I remember playing basketball with him after school, being at each other’s friends’ houses. I knew his mother, Jen, and brother, Cole, very well. We also grew up around the Posey Township Volunteer Fire Department together. It was a call like this that you realize how valuable the training really is. You just put everything to the side, and all the training really does just take over.”
Cody has a vague memory of struggling with the EMTs inside the ambulance while they were trying to put a tube down his throat, and another of arriving at the hospital and being loaded into the helicopter.
“I told myself in the ambulance during one of those brief moments of reality that if I live through this, I’m going to change my life,” he said, admitting to bargaining with God. “I’m going to help others; I’m going to do my part.”
Members of the Posey Township Volunteer Fire Department were en route to the call, arriving after the ambulance had already left. Fire Chief Cody Barnard, who also personally knows Market, stopped by for a visit at the hospital. It was there Barnard learned it took 28 minutes to get Cody from the scene into surgery. During the presentation of the department’s 2019 Lifesaver of the Year to Beckley and Schmitz earlier this month, Barnard talked about the call.
“I’ve worked with both of those ladies, and they are two of the best,” said Barnard, who admitted it was an amazing effort by a bunch of people who helped that night, but a guardian angel was also definitely there. “Clay County is very fortunate to have their service and their talents. This is such an amazing story.”
After multiple surgeries and various procedures, Cody woke up three days later in Terre Haute Regional Hospital’s Intensive Care Unit.
“They told me I am the first person to take such a severe gunshot wound to the chest and get out of surgery alive,” he said.
Less than a week later, Cody went home grateful for everyone’s efforts on his behalf.
“There were several church congregations that were praying for my family and me, and they didn’t even know me,” Cody said, adding he will never know who or how many people helped him that night. “Doctors told my immediate family I had a 10-percent chance of living. It took 24 units of blood. That equals more than 80 people donating blood to keep me alive.”
It’s tough to describe what Cody feels.
“There’s nothing beautiful about any of this, trust me, I know there isn’t,” said Cody, who describes seeing his family gathered in support when he woke up as beautiful. “This is a story that could have been a tragedy if even the tiniest thing went a different direction that night. But there was something incredible that happened.”
An unidentified woman providing the ventilation for Cody during surgery saw a tattoo of a cross and the symbol for “God’s greater than highs and lows” on his right arm.
“She knew I was a Christian because of the tattoo, and started to pray for me,” Cody said. “It’s hard to explain this.”
Five percent of Cody’s damaged liver was removed during surgery, along with his spleen. He will have to take shots every two months for the rest of his life. He suffered and is getting help for post-traumatic stress disorder because of his death experience, and has massive scars on his body from the wounds.
“I admit that every day is a struggle, but not with my depression. I’m alive, and that truly is a blessing,” he said. “Every day, I get in the shower and see the scars on my chest, and I am reminded of what I almost lost. My little girl has a father because everyone there that night did their jobs. I get to see my loved ones every day. Honestly, it’s like my soul is new again.”
Causing pain to those who watched him die that night remains with Cody but knows this second chance is very real and very precious.
“All the demons inside my head, they died that night. The battle I was fighting all went away,” said Cody. “It’s not that I don’t have the anxiety or the negative thoughts anymore, they’re still there. But I have hope now, something I didn’t understand or appreciate before.”
Cody plans on attending college to become an EMT, a dream since he was a child. Asked to talk about issues of suicide, depression as a teenager, and bullying at a couple of local schools, Cody says the most significant thing now is making sure his story is out there for others.
Maybe it will be enough, Cody hopes, that someone struggling with demons themselves will reach out for help, and not tempt fate like he did last Fall.
“Before all this happened, I could give others the best advice when they had a problem. The problem was, I didn’t listen to myself,” he said this is his way of giving back. “Now, I have hope, and I want to help others. I want to do my part in the community, for others, so they don’t go down that terrible path.”
When asked what advice he would share with others, Cody is quick to answer.
“If you think no one is listening, that no one cares, that’s not true. That’s where family comes in,” he said about the even bigger story of what happened Oct. 1, 2019. “But if you think you’re alone and need someone who knows what you’re going through to listen, come talk to me. I’ve got a story for you.”